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Tell you what.

Here's a simple, truly elegant solution: just get rid of all the elementary school teachers and detail active duty National Guard to teach the kids. Unlike those wimpy teachers, Guardsmen would teach our kids the three R's and the indispensable S -- SHOOTING. That would save us taxpayers a bundle on teachers' salaries, and their unions have always been a pain in the ass anyway.

Seriously, you gun nuts are all just plain totally bat-shit crazy!

Please shoot responsibly. (Each other, that is.)

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